So my uncle passed away earlier today. He was diagnosed with cancer about 5 months ago. He was one of the nicest people I’ve ever known. I miss him. FUCK.
My uncle was diagnosed with cancer about 2 weeks ago. It’s stage 4 lung cancer that has metastasized to his liver and his spine. He is estimated to have 8 months left. I took a few days off to visit with him, help him around the house, help with his kids (long story), etc.
We have actually been having a lot of fun together; I’ve been making a bunch of nice dishes to entice him to eat, and keeping up with my little cousins makes him happy and gives him time to rest. They are his biggest concern, so I think help him to realize that his family will be there to raise them is reassuring to him.
The only hard part of this was when I first saw him. Before all this mess started, my uncle was always very friendly, boisterous, and talkative. He was never a particularly big man, rather lean actually, but the way he spoke and carried himself gave him a certain quality. Seeing him for the first time after chemotherapy was something I had prepared myself for, albeit inadequately. Seeing my uncle reduced to a bed-ridden husk barely capable of speaking above a whisper, that was the part that really got me.
Eat healthy, exercise daily, die anyway. That’s the phrase most aligned with how my uncle feels right now. I don’t feel that way, so hopefully I can lend him some of my positivity. Cancer really is a c word.
How cute is this? <3
Life has bounced back rather nicely the past few weeks. I’m back to being social and exercising regularly again (I look pretty damn good hehe). Just noticed this morning that my ex de-friended me on facebook. I few months ago I would have been really hurt. But instead I just laughed to myself a bit at the irony, considering she was the one who wanted to remain friends. I guess that’s how I know I’m ready to move on. It’s still a little bittersweet, but it feels nice to be leaving behind all that bullshit. It feels nice to be moving forward again.
Why is the pain so great? Why can’t I let her go? I miss her so fucking much.
Dogs bark at the stars
Wind and insects harmonize
Splendid island night
gotta love it…
Nothing in my life is bad right now…everything is going quite well actually. I’m just getting one of those feelings that I get every now and then. Just this burning desire to up and leave. To go somewhere. Anywhere. To just not be here. I have the soul of a nomad.
The Milky Way above the horizon
Feeling wistful tonight. Reliving all the great times I had when I used to travel to random countries. After running around town till the early hours of the morning, I would sometimes sit on my hotel room balcony or some such place and look out at the night sky. Walking home tonight I was gazing at the stars and reconnected with those memories. Wanderlust.
I bought a condo last week! I close in the beginning of February. You’d think I was a grown-up =)
Life is moving at an awesomely rapid pace, and it makes me happy.